Hurting but moving on!

I've been away.  I had plenty to say but my heart just wasn't in it. Why do you ask? My heart was broken on my decision to move on to the next chapter of my life. You would think that it's great, right. I'm moving on to bigger an better things but my heart was crushed at the thought of starting over and leaving the family that had been mine for the last 5 years. What in the world am I talking about? Because it would appear that I'm talking in code.  I left the church that I have been affiliated with for the last five years and its sad to say but in that move into new beginnings, it cost me what I thought were my family.

Once apart of the in-crowd, I'm now a used teddy bear left to sit and collect dust in the corner. So I didn't want to blog, I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to mourn. Because in my heart, I knew it was time to leave but I held on. I held on to all the conversations of me saying, "Hey I got ya back. You can can count on me. We are going to take this city by storm for Christ. We are going to change the world and I'm gonna be right there with you. I believe in the vision that God has shown you and I am ready to pick up the vision and run with it" I said all those things and I meant every last word.  Even today. I miss it. I miss all the things that got on my last nerves. I miss the talks. I miss our laughs. I miss my family.  Damn.  I'm all the way in the DC metro away from my biological family in Texas and now I'm removed from my church family.  ALONE.. sigh.

Writing this I want to cry. I want to go into my room, climb into bed and pull the covers over my head. Can someone please tell why when you move forward or go in a different direction does the relationship have to change? Can't we be happy for each other.  Can we still share our experiences.  We are not in the same battlefield but we are in the same war.  We both want to save souls for Christ.  I don't ever think I will understand that separation piece.  If I call you a friend, you are and will be my friend for life. 

So I'm back and I'm excited. Hurting still but moving on! Big things are happening and I promise you.. You will see more transparency from me.  That's what its about right!

The glass girl.. You see my movements and my thoughts. I'm exposed to you.

Talk to you soon.